Feelings.

There's just so much that I want to ask you...Why do you keep on ignoring me? Why do you treat me as if I don't exist? Do you know how much it hurts?

I don't actually know what to do anymore...

I'm just so confused...I have a lot on my mind...I'm tired...

I have thought of letting go but I just can't seem to. I really want to though even though my heart tells me not to. However, my brain is telling me something completely different. Why be a fool and put myself through all of this? Why? I sometimes blame myself but should I really?

A year ago you made me feel as if I actually meant something to someone...Since then you've done nothing but make me feel worthless. Do you know how much that hurts? I've cried and cried and cried and cried and cried but crying ain't going to bring you back...

I asked you whether you actually hated me that much that you couldn't bear talking to me...sitting/standing near me...looking at me...And you asked me whether it was really that important and the answer is yes, it really it is...well it is to me anyway...You probably couldn't care less but to me, it means everything. You told me that you weren't angry/annoyed with me but yet you still decide to ignore my texts/messages? Why? I just don't get it. I asked you what I've done wrong and you said "nothing"... :S So why be like this? Why?

I really wanted to hold you in my arms before I left but I couldn't get my feet to move and I could tell that you felt awkward too. You looked at me and said goodbye but all I could do was smile back at you...well try to at least. I couldn't bear looking into them eyes because I'd knew that I would just break down and cry and that's the last thing that I would want to do in public...

Anyways I shall end this blog post on a positive note...one of my birthday wishes did come true...it's just a shame that I didn't appreciate it as much as I should have...but spending that little bit more time with you was more than what I could have asked for...Just being able to stand a few metres away from you and watch you smile and laugh was enough...well for me it was...even though it was a painful experience too. :')

xxx